Priceless Bloodshed

I will marry a strong, compassionate, intellectual, Jesus-loving CONSERVATIVE man.

I will never

EVER

EVER EVER

EVER EVER EVER

EVER EVER EVER EVER

EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER

marry an

IMMORAL - INTOLERANT - PANSY - BUTT - ALL - THINGS - GO - EVERYTHING - IS - RELATIVE - LIBERAL!!!!

the end. :]

you know what i do NOT get?? WHY christian women STILL date/get engaged to/marry non-Christians/lukewarmers?! they are asking for a spiritually miserable life! he can give you “everything” but if it’s not because he serves Jesus, it ain’t worth $#!t! seriously. it’s not and never will be. everything he tries to “give to you” without jesus being the reason is from SATAN!! AHHHH!!! but they do this then want to be upset about him not being where he should be? COME ON! God spoke through Paul about equal yoking. I understand that there are some circumstances where when you were together, you were both lost but the girl got saved at some point, but there is NO excuse for a Christian woman to be with a non-Christian. it is absolutely exhausting and dangerous to submit to a man who is not spiritually on the same page or further as you are! HOW is he fit to lead? fit to submit to? seriously. SERIOUSLY!

So… both of my housemates deleted me from Facebook… I guess when Facebook gets that personal it can be hard not to be offended when people don’t want to see what’s going on in your life only because they get offended when you share opinions that tend to be truthful.

Part of me wants to say, “Get over being offended. People are going to offend you your whole life; whether it be on purpose or not. Toughen up and pray for thicker skin and for them if what they say is truly outrageous.” I re-posted a comment about Democrats and how it was so cold in Atlanta one morning that my friend actually saw Democrats with their hands in their own pockets. It was actually funny! You know, because most Democrats COVET and STEAL other people’s money with their higher taxes and all just because they have more. Here’s the thing: If it DOESN’T apply to you, why get upset? Pray for whatever it is and MOVE ON. And if it DOES apply to you, why get upset?? It’s true and someone called you out. Boom. Just pray for whoever said it if you don’t think it’s right. I realized this in high school. I would have laughed at a joke about Republicans as well if what was said was true. They have their own issues to work out as well. I also want to say, “Wait, so if you are friends with non-Christians, do you also delete them when you get offended by what they may say about Christians?” Seriously? Ok. See how that works out for ya. Because if that’s how you operate, then how will you make it when talking to non-Believers about the things they may believe about all Christians?

Another reason my future boyfriend/husband will need to be Conservative. I will need someone to vent to about politics.

I should not care, and I’m over one of them doing it, but the second one is recent. If you didn’t like my posts all you had to do is make it so you can’t see my posts… That option is definitely there… I’ve done it to a few people without actually removing them as a friend. I enjoyed seeing their life and pictures of their son, but now I can’t. Womp womp.

I’m not going to bring it up because I have more important things to worry about like:
Jesus
Being more Christ-like
Being led by the Holy Spirit
Spending more time with my Father 
Abortion
Praying
Reading the Word 
Getting my life together 
Reading
Loving people 

Whatever. I’m over it. God’s been convicting me to spend more time with them anyway. *sigh* I just need to make time for it. MAKE time… that’s funny. God made time and it is always available, so how can WE humans “make time”?

Why do I care? They are moving in June anyway and I will probably not see or talk to them after that.

I’ll live. I’m okay. Some people leave, more enter. Everyone is not meant to stay in your life. God still blesses me.

Lord,

   Please remove any roots of bitterness, hurt and offense from my heart. I should not be offended when people delete me from Facebook. It is their right to delete me and not want to see or know what I say. I have the same right as well. I should spend more time with people face-to-face as much as I can. Thank you for humbling my heart these past few days and weeks. And for telling me to vent here on this blog that I don’t think anyone knows about. :) Thank you Father for your graciousness. I love you, Lord.
  

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

Yesterday I was in the doctor’s office with Jodi & MJ for his RSV shot and I found myself extremely frustrated with Christians who claim to be Democrats and who supported Obama.
Now, I know every single group is not black and white. I’m conservative but do not belong to a party. I like being an Independent but if it came down to it, I would vote Republican in most cases depending on the issues. The Republican party needs a serious makeover. They are caving in to the Democrats. Compromise leads down a terrible road.

So anyways, I’m sitting here majorly frustrated when the Spirit says to me, “God has His people in ALL areas and spheres of the world.” WHAAAT?! Talk about conviction. I have friends who I know for a fact love Jesus, are pro-life, pro traditional marriage, pro religious freedom, believe in God’s ultimate authority and other Biblical truths but happen to be Democrats… why? I have no idea. And you know what, Christians need to be EVERY STINKING WHERE to be the body and to show people who Christ is. Missionaries of sorts. WOW. I was so humbled and thankful that it’s not an ‘us against them’ kind of thing. We need Christians everywhere to build relationships and speak truth to those who are lost. Kind of like what I was doing in the office except I was nowhere near as mature as I am now.
My anger was released. I need to pray for them. Pray for them who are trying to change the party from the inside out (even though I don’t see that ever happening.) God is bigger than my perceptions and for that, I am so eternally grateful.

Lord,
You work wherever we are. I will pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ who see the problems with platforms and want to see real change. I will pray for my brothers and sisters not to compromise on Biblical truths while trying to protect Your values. I will pray without ceasing. (1 Thess 5) thank you Father for revelation about this.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen

I do too much. I don’t balance my time/schedule. I don’t eat right. I don’t listen to my body. I don’t stop. I don’t sleep

In a nutshell, I am not taking care of the functioning body that God gave me. How disrespectful am I? Not just to Him, but to me?

I push, push, push.

So now, I am sick. Great.

I must do better. Seriously.

I need to get my life together… as usual.

V & E are official (as of VERY early Monday morning!!!)
I am SO happy for them. I am truly, truly happy for them.

After I greeted V at the door, I attacked her with a humongous and long hug.

V replied: ” I think you’re more excited for me than I am.”
Me: “Probably!” 
We both laughed.

I just hope & pray that some day someone will look at me the way he looks at her…

Since Sunday I’ve been struggling with my single season. UGH! Last year around this time the SAME CRAP came up! I’ve been miserable most of the days since Sunday. Although I must admit that hanging out with my friends absolutely helps. Worshiping my Daddy does too. His Spirit is so amazing.

 My friends tell me I’m beautiful. I love them and appreciate them, but it’d be nice to hear it from someone of the opposite sex who is not just a brother, ya know? Someone who is pursuing me or wants to. That would be nice. To be pursued and have inner AND outer beauty valued and recognized by a godly guy who loves Jesus.

  One of my best friends FINALLY got asked out by a mutual friend of ours! I’m ecstatic for her. You would think it was I who got asked out! Surely not. That hasn’t happened in over 4 years and I don’t see it happening anytime soon. I thought I would be jealous and not able to be happy for her, but I’m the complete opposite. I can’t wait!!! She’s really happy and excited too. I do hope things work out. You’d literally have to be blind not to see the chemistry between them.

Maybe my turn will come next. Maybe. I’d like to genuinely be asked out on an intentional date by a guy who I am also interested in. Yes, not likely.

I desire earthly companionship. That’s normal. When Lord? When? When will I be pursued? :/

::SUNDAY::

So yesterday I was having a rough day because of how it started. I had a great morning, but I was stressing about whether or not it was a date, if I had royally messed something up, does he like me, did I not let him be a man and come pick me up, yadda, yadda, etc., etc.

If it’s one thing I have learned, it’s that a guy WILL pursue you if he is interested. I left the door open (telling him I had a nice time and that next time…) because I am open to seeing where this could go, but it is ultimately the guy who has to make the first move. It sets the tone for a majority of the relationship and I want to follow and be led by a godly man who is submitting to and walking with Christ daily. If there is a next time, I will let him come pick me up. haha.

I asked my friends to pray for me as I also prayed for peace, contentment, patience and faith from and in my Father to NOT stress over these questions and He blessed me with just that! I have been overwhelmed with peace since April which is weird because it was before finals time, I needed to pack and move, pay bills, get things done etc. But I had peace. God is strange like that and I love it.

This is what my Savior said about peace:

Matthew 5:9: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

Matthew 11:28-30: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

John 16:33: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 20:19: “Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.”

God made rest and He wants us to rest. I’m now functioning out of a place of rest and when I sleep, He always brings peace to my life.

I haven’t been on a date in over 4 years. I’ve never dated a guy a.k.a, I’ve never had a boyfriend. Yup. 23 going on 24 in 3 months and I’ve never had a boyfriend. So needless to say, I have no idea when a guy likes me if he doesn’t say anything. I shouldn’t have to guess though, right? He should let me know that he is interested. I’m analytical enough as it is and it takes a good amount of energy to NOT analyze every single “what-if” situation in my head.

Anyway, he did ask if he should come pick me up. I should have said yes so I could have redeemed myself on the way back. He opened the door for me, seemed interested in what I was saying, asked questions about sex trafficking (the calling the Lord has placed upon my heart) and he paid for me. Maybe he was just being courteous? I don’t know. I was excited and nervous as heck actually. I think maybe I came off a bit standoffish because I didn’t want to get excited over nothing if this is just hanging out, ya know? But then again, he DID initiate this outing. Why ask me out one on one if he weren’t curious about me, ya know? Maybe he finds me mysterious and hard to read and wants to get to know me better eventually. Hmmm. Fudge.

I’m usually great at making eye contact but it was hard to look at him because he’s so dang good-looking! Like, seriously. AND he also loves Jesus so that is the highest on my list of must-haves in a guy of course. It just makes things more difficult.

Did I come off too guarded? Did I smile enough? Did he think I was interested in what he was saying? Did I totally blow a chance with him? Was I too quiet? UGH!

Ok. See, this is Britani’s brain in analyzing mode and why I have to give EVERYTHING in my head to God. What I wouldn’t give to have him call or meet in person to clarify what that was and what is going through his mind.

Anyways, I did tell him that I had fun (despite what my body language may have been saying.) I said, “Next time we can go to the park and have a picnic and play frisbee because I’ve never played.” Crap. Overkill? :/ He smiled (I think) and said “You’ve never played frisbee?” Then when I got home I made sure to thank him again for breakfast, that I had a nice time and looked forward to the next time (via text). 

Lord, if this is in Your will for there to be something between he and I, make it plain and clear. Give me peace and patience about whatever happens. I’m always a bit of a negative nancy when it comes to guys because I usually find that they are NEVER interested. Story of my life. There’s always someone thinner, blonder, taller, more attractive than I am… Great, here I go. There will be a post on that. I can feel the pity party coming on.

I wrote this last year (Saturday Feb 27, 2010) when my brother and I were living together.

“GOD,
   I ask that you help to open and soften my heart. Help me to forgive Kenneth. It’s only because he doesn’t know YOU that our relationship is so strained. Give me patience, Lord. I’ve gotten better about it but it took me years to truly be in YOU and come back. Why should I expect him to get it right so soon Humble me God. Everyone hasn’t had the upbringing and personality I have/had. Give me peace, more peace as I pray for this apartment I feel like you showed me.
   Give me understanding for why Kenneth does what he does and not what YOU want him to do. Give me more purity. Sometimes when I get frustrated I use profanity. My frustrations come from my disorganization, that from my procrastination, that from my laziness, that from my possessions. It’s the STUFF that I have a hard time hearing YOU. God give me the ability to let go. When I let go of the earthly things that aren’t important, I draw nearer to you. So many people place objects and people (often they are not good people) in place of YOU. They are searching for you in other things. Bad things they may or may not know are bad. YOU are the provider, the lover, the friend, the mother and father, the creator, the answer for all people.
   I can’t focus when I’m tired and it’s loud. :(
   I say no to authority. Don’t make laws. I don’t believe in force, I believe in choice. I can responsibly govern myself. THANKS!’
   I can’t genuinely do things when everyone else is doing them. It’s just like being in church. When other people put their hands up and call God, I don’t do it especially if I don’t feel the Spirit. I know those tactics and the feeling of brainwashing and I won’t fall for it.
   I feel God more when I’m alone than when I’m in a group most of the time. Idk why, but maybe that’s why I like being alone.”

WHEW. It is absolutely amazing how much someone can change in over a year. God is so adventurous & amazing!! Thank goodness He changed me soooo much!