A married friend tagged me and some other friends in a Facebook post the other day and shared a blog post that a woman wrote called “12 Non-Negotiables for a Husband”. She encouraged single Believing women to make a list of the qualities they want in a husband. I know many people have different opinions on “The List”. I had one for the longest time. I added, scratched off, moved things around, completely did away with, made a new list… It was exhausting.
After I decided to delete my online dating profiles a month ago, I also did away with my “list”. After all, God knew the desires of my heart and what I desire in a mate. Why did I need a list for the Creator of the universe and everything in it? Well, the author of this blog post made a very good point about being specific in the qualities you desire in a husband #1 because Scripture tell us to present everything to God with prayer and supplication. This also means husbands. #2 It will give us discernment when interacting with men who might be potential husbands.
So, here is my new revamped list:
1) Fears the Lord and is completely in love with and submitted to Christ.
- I will never submit to a man who does not put the Lord first in everything or who is not walking with Him closely. He needs to LOVE the Word of God and hold it close to his heart. T
2) Reformed/Calvinist. Holds to the 5 Solas/Doctrines of Grace.
- Since I have been a Believer, I never thought denomination or particular theology would make a difference to me. But since I have grown in my faith, learned about Reformed theology and now consider myself to be reformed, this is a non-negotiable. There is no way I would even consider going on a date with a man who is not on the same page about theology. This affects the whole entire Gospel! It is a very big deal!
3) Abortion Abolitionist.
- I feel like this is asking a lot because it is so rare to find people on the same page about this. But God is a God of miracles and I will pray for him to be on the same page regarding abortion and its abolition. I would love for us to do ministry together as well.
4) He values purity (emotional, physical, spiritual), fidelity, sex & intimacy, marriage, children, family, people.
- Even if he has a sexual past, if he has repented and is walking in purity now, he has been forgiven and redeemed by the blood of Jesus. He needs to be vehemently guarding his whole being: mind, will, emotions, body until his wedding night where we will unite as one flesh with each other under the beautiful, unbreakable, eternal covenant of marriage. He will continue guarding himself from temptation after we are married and divorce will never be an option.
5) He is growing in the character of Christ.
He is repentant and broken over his sin, humble, very discerning, kind, generous, gracious, gentle, exhibits self-control, patient, protective, but also strong, outspoken, a leader and bold. Frugal, responsible and hardworking. He will lead me and our family. Lead in prayer, in decision making, in reading the Word, washing me with the Word.
6) He loves sharing the Gospel with others.
- Matthew 28:19 says, “Go and make disciples of every nation. Baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” He is eager and unafraid to share the Gospel with others because he desires to see people set free from sin and because he wants to fight the lies of false and soul damning gospels and religions. He doesn’t believe in friendship evangelism and doesn’t make things super complicated either. He simply loves the Lord and is obedient. Hopefully he enjoys presuppositional apologetics as I do and tries to be in the Word in order to show himself approved when someone asks him of the hope that is in him. We can go evangelize together and build each other up in that. We will continue to be missionaries for the Lord!
7) Is attentive to, loves, pursues, values and respects me. We will not kiss until our wedding day.
- Many men are not in tune with their emotions. That’s fine. God made men and women wired differently, but when a man truly cares for a woman he will take time to get to know who she is in Christ, what makes her tick, her dreams and desires. He will not stop pursuing me once I have accepted his advances. He will value and respect my body, my mind, my emotions and my will. He will set physical boundaries and we will not kiss until our wedding day. That will be a standard for both of us, not just one. I know he will hurt me. I know he will say mean things. I know he will make me cry. He will sincerely repent and I will forgive. And vice versa. That’s how it works. We will grow together in Christ. We will love each other through thick and thin as Christ does.
8) Wants to be a husband and father and desires old-fashioned, traditional breadwinner/homemaker style family.
- I want to be a homemaker and I am not ashamed to say it! This is how God wired me and I am honing those skills now. Well, trying to. And Lord willing, I will be able to serve God and my husband and children by managing our home, homeschooling our children and teaching them about Jesus.
9) He LOVES children and is open to however many the Lord will bless us with.
- I am against all unnatural contraception. Natural Family Planning is the only thing I am willing to consider unless he is open to NTNP (not trying, not preventing) in regards to children. Children are always gifts from the Lord. No matter the timing or circumstance. I also would like to adopt and foster children if the Lord wills it.
10) He enjoys the outdoors.
- My idea of a perfect honeymoon would be renting a cabin in the mountains for a week and just being with each other and the Lord away from lots of people. Turning our phones and all outside communication off (unless needed). I love the mountains, camping, hiking, and just being in God’s creation. He is so present there. I want to share this hobby with my husband as well and teach our children to love and appreciate God’s creation. (But not in a crazy environmentalism, save the trees, murder babies type of way.)
11) Is health conscious
- He does not smoke or drink. He may enjoy a treat every now and then, but for the most part, he is aware and concerned about what he eats and tries to exercise and stay in shape often. Hopefully he is into natural and holistic health methods as to avoid the doctor unless it is an extreme emergency. We can enjoy cooking and baking healthy and new foods together. :)
12) He is 100% Conservative
- I am no longer a liberal. I will never again be a liberal. I hate liberalism and its satanic agenda. Politics are important to me, but not as important as the Gospel. My husband and I must absolutely be on the same page about these things. I will NEVER, EVER, EVER marry a liberal.
13) He does not engage in pagan traditions of man
- As a woman who does her research and knows that many things we have been taught are steeped in the evil origins of paganism, I hope to marry a man who is not into celebrating Christmas or Easter or any other unbiblical “Christian” holidays. No Santa, no Easter Bunny, NOTHING.