Priceless Bloodshed

No pansy liberals for me!

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 11:28:27 -0500

I will marry a strong, compassionate, intellectual, Jesus-loving CONSERVATIVE man.

I will never

EVER

EVER EVER

EVER EVER EVER

EVER EVER EVER EVER

EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER

marry an

IMMORAL - INTOLERANT - PANSY - BUTT - ALL - THINGS - GO - EVERYTHING - IS - RELATIVE - LIBERAL!!!!

the end. :]

TUESDAY

Sat, 29 Dec 2012 12:29:46 -0500

you know what i do NOT get?? WHY christian women STILL date/get engaged to/marry non-Christians/lukewarmers?! they are asking for a spiritually miserable life! he can give you “everything” but if it’s not because he serves Jesus, it ain’t worth $#!t! seriously. it’s not and never will be. everything he tries to “give to you” without jesus being the reason is from SATAN!! AHHHH!!! but they do this then want to be upset about him not being where he should be? COME ON! God spoke through Paul about equal yoking. I understand that there are some circumstances where when you were together, you were both lost but the girl got saved at some point, but there is NO excuse for a Christian woman to be with a non-Christian. it is absolutely exhausting and dangerous to submit to a man who is not spiritually on the same page or further as you are! HOW is he fit to lead? fit to submit to? seriously. SERIOUSLY!

removing the root of bitterness

Sun, 16 Dec 2012 08:10:00 -0500

So… both of my housemates deleted me from Facebook… I guess when Facebook gets that personal it can be hard not to be offended when people don’t want to see what’s going on in your life only because they get offended when you share opinions that tend to be truthful.

Part of me wants to say, “Get over being offended. People are going to offend you your whole life; whether it be on purpose or not. Toughen up and pray for thicker skin and for them if what they say is truly outrageous.” I re-posted a comment about Democrats and how it was so cold in Atlanta one morning that my friend actually saw Democrats with their hands in their own pockets. It was actually funny! You know, because most Democrats COVET and STEAL other people’s money with their higher taxes and all just because they have more. Here’s the thing: If it DOESN’T apply to you, why get upset? Pray for whatever it is and MOVE ON. And if it DOES apply to you, why get upset?? It’s true and someone called you out. Boom. Just pray for whoever said it if you don’t think it’s right. I realized this in high school. I would have laughed at a joke about Republicans as well if what was said was true. They have their own issues to work out as well. I also want to say, “Wait, so if you are friends with non-Christians, do you also delete them when you get offended by what they may say about Christians?” Seriously? Ok. See how that works out for ya. Because if that’s how you operate, then how will you make it when talking to non-Believers about the things they may believe about all Christians?

Another reason my future boyfriend/husband will need to be Conservative. I will need someone to vent to about politics.

I should not care, and I’m over one of them doing it, but the second one is recent. If you didn’t like my posts all you had to do is make it so you can’t see my posts… That option is definitely there… I’ve done it to a few people without actually removing them as a friend. I enjoyed seeing their life and pictures of their son, but now I can’t. Womp womp.

I’m not going to bring it up because I have more important things to worry about like:
Jesus
Being more Christ-like
Being led by the Holy Spirit
Spending more time with my Father
Abortion
Praying
Reading the Word
Getting my life together
Reading
Loving people

Whatever. I’m over it. God’s been convicting me to spend more time with them anyway. *sigh* I just need to make time for it. MAKE time… that’s funny. God made time and it is always available, so how can WE humans “make time”?

Why do I care? They are moving in June anyway and I will probably not see or talk to them after that.

I’ll live. I’m okay. Some people leave, more enter. Everyone is not meant to stay in your life. God still blesses me.

Lord,

Please remove any roots of bitterness, hurt and offense from my heart. I should not be offended when people delete me from Facebook. It is their right to delete me and not want to see or know what I say. I have the same right as well. I should spend more time with people face-to-face as much as I can. Thank you for humbling my heart these past few days and weeks. And for telling me to vent here on this blog that I don’t think anyone knows about. :) Thank you Father for your graciousness. I love you, Lord.

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

yesterday's politics

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 15:19:27 -0500

Yesterday I was in the doctor’s office with Jodi & MJ for his RSV shot and I found myself extremely frustrated with Christians who claim to be Democrats and who supported Obama.
Now, I know every single group is not black and white. I’m conservative but do not belong to a party. I like being an Independent but if it came down to it, I would vote Republican in most cases depending on the issues. The Republican party needs a serious makeover. They are caving in to the Democrats. Compromise leads down a terrible road.

So anyways, I’m sitting here majorly frustrated when the Spirit says to me, “God has His people in ALL areas and spheres of the world.” WHAAAT?! Talk about conviction. I have friends who I know for a fact love Jesus, are pro-life, pro traditional marriage, pro religious freedom, believe in God’s ultimate authority and other Biblical truths but happen to be Democrats… why? I have no idea. And you know what, Christians need to be EVERY STINKING WHERE to be the body and to show people who Christ is. Missionaries of sorts. WOW. I was so humbled and thankful that it’s not an ‘us against them’ kind of thing. We need Christians everywhere to build relationships and speak truth to those who are lost. Kind of like what I was doing in the office except I was nowhere near as mature as I am now.
My anger was released. I need to pray for them. Pray for them who are trying to change the party from the inside out (even though I don’t see that ever happening.) God is bigger than my perceptions and for that, I am so eternally grateful.

Lord,
You work wherever we are. I will pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ who see the problems with platforms and want to see real change. I will pray for my brothers and sisters not to compromise on Biblical truths while trying to protect Your values. I will pray without ceasing. (1 Thess 5) thank you Father for revelation about this.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen

sick

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 12:35:15 -0500

I do too much. I don’t balance my time/schedule. I don’t eat right. I don’t listen to my body. I don’t stop. I don’t sleep

In a nutshell, I am not taking care of the functioning body that God gave me. How disrespectful am I? Not just to Him, but to me?

I push, push, push.

So now, I am sick. Great.

I must do better. Seriously.

I need to get my life together… as usual.

One day...

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 00:07:00 -0400

V & E are official (as of VERY early Monday morning!!!)
I am SO happy for them. I am truly, truly happy for them.

After I greeted V at the door, I attacked her with a humongous and long hug.

V replied: ” I think you’re more excited for me than I am.”
Me: “Probably!”
We both laughed.

I just hope & pray that some day someone will look at me the way he looks at her…

something is missing

Thu, 24 May 2012 01:44:38 -0400

Since Sunday I’ve been struggling with my single season. UGH! Last year around this time the SAME CRAP came up! I’ve been miserable most of the days since Sunday. Although I must admit that hanging out with my friends absolutely helps. Worshiping my Daddy does too. His Spirit is so amazing.

My friends tell me I’m beautiful. I love them and appreciate them, but it’d be nice to hear it from someone of the opposite sex who is not just a brother, ya know? Someone who is pursuing me or wants to. That would be nice. To be pursued and have inner AND outer beauty valued and recognized by a godly guy who loves Jesus.

One of my best friends FINALLY got asked out by a mutual friend of ours! I’m ecstatic for her. You would think it was I who got asked out! Surely not. That hasn’t happened in over 4 years and I don’t see it happening anytime soon. I thought I would be jealous and not able to be happy for her, but I’m the complete opposite. I can’t wait!!! She’s really happy and excited too. I do hope things work out. You’d literally have to be blind not to see the chemistry between them.

Maybe my turn will come next. Maybe. I’d like to genuinely be asked out on an intentional date by a guy who I am also interested in. Yes, not likely.

I desire earthly companionship. That’s normal. When Lord? When? When will I be pursued? :/

Prayers Answered

Sun, 13 May 2012 16:23:00 -0400

::SUNDAY::

So yesterday I was having a rough day because of how it started. I had a great morning, but I was stressing about whether or not it was a date, if I had royally messed something up, does he like me, did I not let him be a man and come pick me up, yadda, yadda, etc., etc.

If it’s one thing I have learned, it’s that a guy WILL pursue you if he is interested. I left the door open (telling him I had a nice time and that next time…) because I am open to seeing where this could go, but it is ultimately the guy who has to make the first move. It sets the tone for a majority of the relationship and I want to follow and be led by a godly man who is submitting to and walking with Christ daily. If there is a next time, I will let him come pick me up. haha.

I asked my friends to pray for me as I also prayed for peace, contentment, patience and faith from and in my Father to NOT stress over these questions and He blessed me with just that! I have been overwhelmed with peace since April which is weird because it was before finals time, I needed to pack and move, pay bills, get things done etc. But I had peace. God is strange like that and I love it.

This is what my Savior said about peace:

Matthew 5:9: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

Matthew 11:28-30: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

John 16:33: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 20:19: “Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.”

God made rest and He wants us to rest. I’m now functioning out of a place of rest and when I sleep, He always brings peace to my life.

I’m at peace about my singleness again. :) YES! It feels WONDERFUL because I can properly rejoice in the godly relationships that are sprouting around me, the fruitful engagements that are taking place and the godly marriages that are beginning and continuing on a journey. I don’t want to be bitter and angry like I was. That is NO fun. I know being a believer is no guarantee for happiness ALL the time. We are subjected to heartache, heartbreak and sorrow like everyone else. Jesus totally experienced the emotins that we do. What a beautiful connecting factor: Jesus and we experience the same emotions. Right now, He knows what my heart is feeling and He knows what I long for. He feels that.

Jesus, thank you for Your peace and Your holiness and beauty!

So....was that a date?

Sat, 12 May 2012 20:33:25 -0400

I haven’t been on a date in over 4 years. I’ve never dated a guy a.k.a, I’ve never had a boyfriend. Yup. 23 going on 24 in 3 months and I’ve never had a boyfriend. So needless to say, I have no idea when a guy likes me if he doesn’t say anything. I shouldn’t have to guess though, right? He should let me know that he is interested. I’m analytical enough as it is and it takes a good amount of energy to NOT analyze every single “what-if” situation in my head.

Anyway, he did ask if he should come pick me up. I should have said yes so I could have redeemed myself on the way back. He opened the door for me, seemed interested in what I was saying, asked questions about sex trafficking (the calling the Lord has placed upon my heart) and he paid for me. Maybe he was just being courteous? I don’t know. I was excited and nervous as heck actually. I think maybe I came off a bit standoffish because I didn’t want to get excited over nothing if this is just hanging out, ya know? But then again, he DID initiate this outing. Why ask me out one on one if he weren’t curious about me, ya know? Maybe he finds me mysterious and hard to read and wants to get to know me better eventually. Hmmm. Fudge.

I’m usually great at making eye contact but it was hard to look at him because he’s so dang good-looking! Like, seriously. AND he also loves Jesus so that is the highest on my list of must-haves in a guy of course. It just makes things more difficult.

Did I come off too guarded? Did I smile enough? Did he think I was interested in what he was saying? Did I totally blow a chance with him? Was I too quiet? UGH!

Ok. See, this is Britani’s brain in analyzing mode and why I have to give EVERYTHING in my head to God. What I wouldn’t give to have him call or meet in person to clarify what that was and what is going through his mind.

Anyways, I did tell him that I had fun (despite what my body language may have been saying.) I said, “Next time we can go to the park and have a picnic and play frisbee because I’ve never played.” Crap. Overkill? :/ He smiled (I think) and said “You’ve never played frisbee?” Then when I got home I made sure to thank him again for breakfast, that I had a nice time and looked forward to the next time (via text).

Lord, if this is in Your will for there to be something between he and I, make it plain and clear. Give me peace and patience about whatever happens. I’m always a bit of a negative nancy when it comes to guys because I usually find that they are NEVER interested. Story of my life. There’s always someone thinner, blonder, taller, more attractive than I am… Great, here I go. There will be a post on that. I can feel the pity party coming on.

long ago when I was in HELL...

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:46:49 -0400

I wrote this last year (Saturday Feb 27, 2010) when my brother and I were living together.

“GOD,
   I ask that you help to open and soften my heart. Help me to forgive Kenneth. It’s only because he doesn’t know YOU that our relationship is so strained. Give me patience, Lord. I’ve gotten better about it but it took me years to truly be in YOU and come back. Why should I expect him to get it right so soon Humble me God. Everyone hasn’t had the upbringing and personality I have/had. Give me peace, more peace as I pray for this apartment I feel like you showed me.
   Give me understanding for why Kenneth does what he does and not what YOU want him to do. Give me more purity. Sometimes when I get frustrated I use profanity. My frustrations come from my disorganization, that from my procrastination, that from my laziness, that from my possessions. It’s the STUFF that I have a hard time hearing YOU. God give me the ability to let go. When I let go of the earthly things that aren’t important, I draw nearer to you. So many people place objects and people (often they are not good people) in place of YOU. They are searching for you in other things. Bad things they may or may not know are bad. YOU are the provider, the lover, the friend, the mother and father, the creator, the answer for all people.
   I can’t focus when I’m tired and it’s loud. :(
   I say no to authority. Don’t make laws. I don’t believe in force, I believe in choice. I can responsibly govern myself. THANKS!’
   I can’t genuinely do things when everyone else is doing them. It’s just like being in church. When other people put their hands up and call God, I don’t do it especially if I don’t feel the Spirit. I know those tactics and the feeling of brainwashing and I won’t fall for it.
   I feel God more when I’m alone than when I’m in a group most of the time. Idk why, but maybe that’s why I like being alone.”

WHEW. It is absolutely amazing how much someone can change in over a year. God is so adventurous & amazing!! Thank goodness He changed me soooo much!

.....awesome

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0400

…MONDAY…

I woke up this morning after God giving me the words “yoke” and “burden” in a dream… I immediately found a devotional for Matthew 11:28. In this scripture, Jesus is speaking and says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Really???…. How much more obvious could He be??? I was amazed, but kind of not because He’s God, ya know?
I listened to “Fill Me Up” by United Pursuit Band and then got on the floor for repentence.
” Lord, may I forgive those whom I believe to be inconsiderate, rude, aloof and at times, uncaring.”

Earlier today, Bo text me to see if I could watch Pete on Saturday from 8:30-2:30. I really needed the money but Saturday is Sarah’s women’s thing and I need to see them very badly. :( Should I fellowship or make money? I kept praying for something to come up on Friday and then Andrea e-mailed me about cleaning the house! Yes!!!

Later, the leader text me to see if I was coming to LBS tomorrow night because “we need you there.” Then there was an e-mail sent out about something I had been frustrated over the weekend…sooo WHY was I sent a text? Who said something about me feeling the way I did?

“God’s ALWAYS up to something. even when I don’t want to hear the music, He will find a way to make me listen. oh, my God is funny like that.”

something was said about something….CA-RAP.

I have some control and communication issues. I like to fix things by myself. but how in the world is that possible if i have an issue with someone else?!?!? i’m still trying to figure myself out but God is so good in revealing the things I need to work on. whether it’s in a gentle way or a way that’s less tactful. i can be very stubborn at times sooo the gentle approach may not always work with me.

a few weeks ago on September 14th i addressed the house church group, via facebook, how i had been feeling like i didn’t fit in. It read:

“ Dearest Jesus lovers of O4W HC:

I pray you all have been well. First, let me apologize if I’ve seemed distant or upset/angry/annoyed. It’s really hard for me to write this but I know I need to because I’ve already felt the enemy trying to destroy and lie to me about the relationships I have and if I don’t say something, he is going to do some serious damage to the relationships that I’d like to form but haven’t yet. This might be similar to what other people have experienced, but I’ve found a common theme in my life of where I have been overlooked, unheard, misunderstood, and found it hard to find my place with people. When I start to feel any of these things often, I get sad, isolate myself, and Satan says mean things to me about myself and about other people. It starts to work and I end up feeling really lonely, even when I’m around people. This has started happening and I know that because I love all of you and my feelings involve this community, I have to let go of my fear of seeming weak/childish/needy and speak up instead of thinking I can brush it off, fix it by myself or with just God and myself. I don’t want to lose something that I love very much and have never had before.

I woke up with the song (I don’t know the name) “No weapon formed against me will prosper, says the Lord” and “There is power in the name of Jesus” in my head and I’m sure that was God speaking to me about Satan’s weapons/tactics that try to destroy His children, so I knew that I couldn’t just brush it off. Isaiah 54:17 immediately came with the song which says, “No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD.” I also found 2 Corinthians 10:4 “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” Even in those two verses I felt the power of what God says.

So I just ask from all of you to please pray for me that Satan will have no strongholds over me, no place in my thoughts, to remember that he is a liar and that I have a community of great people who do love and care about me.

Thank you so much everyone! I love you all. :] ♥”

i thought that because i FINALLY listened to God and addressed it with everyone, things would get better. they did, but this weekend they kinda sorta came back with 2 situations that happened. RATS!!

ya know, i don’t believe people do things like this on purpose, but i’ve gotten to the point where i really don’t care who invites who where and does what with whom for whatever reason. put pictures up on fb, write on people’s walls. yadda yadda. that’s great. have fun. it’s whatever to me. i have to stop expecting people to be as considerate, concerned and inclusive as I feel that I am. that may just not be them. it may not be realistic to invite all 45i7487 members on a camping trip. i understand that, but at the same time, how do you decide who to invite and who not to invite? i wish i could tell you, BUT i don’t have the inside scoop like some of us.

if i don’t expect anything from anyone, i won’t be disappointed. my faith is only to be in Jesus. even I let myself down regardless of my semi-perfectionist nature. My future husband is DEFINITELY going to let me down and i’m preparing for that. someone does something you wouldn’t think they’d do or they don’t do something that you thought they’d do. no one is perfect and I of ALL people definitely know that. i just thought that expecting adults to be aware of more social cues and courtesies and people’s feelings wasn’t too much to ask.

i try to speak to everyone i see when i can. even it’s for 5 seconds, i like to acknowledge that someone is freakin’ alive. not everyone thinks that way. some are aloof, some are subconsciously clique-ish and don’t realize how they come off and some actually don’t want to talk to you. whichever one it is, i have told myself that i should speak regardless of what their motive may or may not be. i don’t like games but i stopped speaking to a certain person at church and he eventually spoke to me first one sunday. should it be like that? no. does God approve of my doing that? probably not. i speak to people ALL THE TIME and you mean to tell me you can’t open your freakin mouth to say hey how ya doin’? it takes like 5 seconds!! maybe less! my goodness!!

see, i didn’t want to be THAT person who people felt like they have to make sure she’s invited or she will feel “this way” or “that way” but now it’s gonna get kicked in the face tomorrow. i’m a big girl and am getting used to it, but it’s whatever and i don’t care. i’m kinda done at this point with feeling the way i do. it’s exhausting and it makes me so tired and irritable. include people because you WANT to, not out of obligation. i feel like this is like giving. we shouldn’t feel obligated to give to people, we should WANT to do it because of who God has transformed us into. God loves a cheerful giver and if you come to Him with things you don’t want to give and your heart is sour and angry, WHY would He want that? it stinks and it’s not out of love for Him! if it’s too much for people to speak or invite me somewhere, i don’t want you to do it. point. blank. period. i don’t need your charity. if it comes from the heart, that will suffice.

i’m sooo thankful for my friend who really put it into perspective to encourage me to have a forgiving heart. it’s the truth and i have to have it. we still sin everyday. Lord knows I obviously did today. I cursed at a police officer today and i got impatient with the professor and left early. i’m sure there are other things i did. i don’t want to harbor negative feelings towards anyone or have anyone feel like i have negative feelings towards them, so this is probably God’s way of showing me how to deal with this in the future. Lord knows I’d rather not deal with it at all. I’m a hypocrite for wanting people to talk out their problems but yet i clam up when it comes to me. ha. oh, the IRONY!

i never felt like this in my other group. i miss them. even though most of them are married, i never once had this issue. maybe it’s because I hadn’t been going that long or they are in a completely different and more mature stage of life. idk. but whatever it is, i like that about them. i never feel unincluded.

anyways, we’ll see what happens with this thing tomorrow if i make it. i’m dreading it so so so so so so much.

UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

Lord help me!

THANKS JESUS FOR DANCE & THE LADIES WHO MAKE THE MINISTRY!
We danced and prayed. I shared my praise that I had been surviving on the money I was making. He is GOOD.

SUNDAY

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0400

I babysat Sutton today then I went home.
So much for truly keeping the Sabbath. I don’t usually work on Sundays, but it’s rare that a parent asks for that day and the upside is that there’s 4 services I could choose to go to.

I went to the 8pm service with Stan and B texted me. Then Bo texted me about Saturday. :( That is Sarah’s women’s group…What to do, what to do?

After service, this young lady approached me and asked if I was one of Maribeth’s friends. I said “kinda”. She told me that she and some other people who knew Maribeth were collecting donations to buy a painting for a house for the Nightlight kids ministry for her. I had cash. HOW CONVENIENT! Then Rebekah Aversano came up and asked me if I would like to help create a video for Maribeth and say some words about her.

The summer crush came over and we started talking. Then Josh came over and WE started talking. He asked me if I was going to the Bible thing at lacey’s. i knew nothing about it and he wondered if i felt like things were exclusive. i was honest and said that i did.

SUNDAY

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0400

I was at service this morning feeling SOOO refreshed and amazed by God. Matt’s sermon was awesome because it was absolutely about what happened to me yesterday at Mark Driscoll’s conference in Athens.

I ended up in the back, (typical) and after service I talked to Josh. I had met him at the yard sale this summer and he’s one of my summer crush’s friends. after service, we talked and i told him about yesterday’s conference.

since he goes to Tech, he gave me some scientific stuff to prove God’s existence. AWESOME! he said that the number of electrons in the known universe is 10^78 x 10^80. WHAT?! then he said the % chance of a small (500? idk where 500 came from..) amino acid protein coming from nothing is 1(7.3 x 10^680)! Ummm that’s a super super SUPER small chance that we came from nothing without a creator.

i also told him about Billy and him prophesying over me on monday. I told him about becca and talisha’s prophecies too. Oh! and i forgot ALLLLL about that guy who told me that I was a quiet storm and many people’s chains would be broken by me. whoa.

is it Pentecost yet??? :)

XA Fall Retreat '11

Sun, 02 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0400

…SUNDAY…

dale read from psalm 19 this morning:
The heavens declare the glory of God;
   the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
   night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
   no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice^[b] goes out into all the earth,
   their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
⁵ It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
   like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
⁶ It rises at one end of the heavens
   and makes its circuit to the other;
   nothing is deprived of its warmth.

⁷ The law of the LORD is perfect,
   refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
   making wise the simple.
⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
   giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
   giving light to the eyes.
⁹ The fear of the LORD is pure,
   enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
   and all of them are righteous.

¹⁰ They are more precious than gold,
   than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
   than honey from the honeycomb.
¹¹ By them your servant is warned;
   in keeping them there is great reward.
¹² But who can discern their own errors?
   Forgive my hidden faults.
¹³ Keep your servant also from willful sins;
   may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
   innocent of great transgression.

¹⁴ May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
verse 14 is our benediction for the Fall semester.

then he read Romans 1:20—-
“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse”
Creation is perfect perfection and evidence of a perfect and evidential God.

James says “religion is pure and holy and good.”

God is still there even in the midst of evil because He still calls some to fight evil and do good.

FRIDAY

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0400

at the beginning of HC we all got into groups and shared about what was going on in our lives. , Cristianna’s friend, was in my group and so was molly, allison cope, iona. Iona read Acts 10. then paige read Proverbs 25:28, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” and 30:8, “Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.”

Marie read Isaish 60 and while she was doing that, I got a vision of a female superhero dressed in black and purple with a purple cape spitting out scripture to defeat villains. psalm 136:4 came into my head. it reads “to him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever.” hm. interesting.

tonight after HC, becky got a call about one of Courtney’s girls getting murdered. it was absolutely terrible. i was talking to iona when she got the call. the feeling in the room was so tense and thick with heartache. we found out and was so so sad. i didn’t know her but a life was taken. a precious life that was valued by God. a life He wanted to save.

forgotten

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 00:00:00 -0400

tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. I went to my ladies bible study thinking someone was going to have something for me since they have done it for everyone there.

NOPE.
NOTHING.

no one said A THING.

(tues aug 30, 2011)

boys are stupid

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 12:40:00 -0400

…SUNDAY…

and that’s why I’m waiting on God to send my DFH who is a REAL MAN. He will FIND me and PURSUE me. I hate you world!!!

i think you flirt with me and show interest but WTH?!?! WHAT THE HELL?! Seriously. I didn’t read into anything cause that has never gotten me anywhere. i’m really sick of this. !#&(*&*)#&@*)&~)*&#!&%#@(I)_)@&!!!!!!!!!!

i know some people say that you can’t know how you feel about someone within a few days, etc.” but I understand now that you can. AND IT EFFING SUCKS!!!

i’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me. screw it, screw him. I’m over it. I had my emo moment with Chevelle, then my cool down with Incubus’ Aqueous Transmission. he is either super oblivious and STUPID or he doesn’t like me. i’m beginning to think it’s the latter.

i don’t have time to be getting all excited about stuff only to be let down. i don’t even know why I bother liking guys anymore. nothing ever works out. EVER.

why couldn’t God give me the gift of celibacy to serve Him for the rest of my life? I’d love to just sell everything, live out of a huge backpack, take Biggie and spread the gospel to everyone I meet.

I really want to curse but it’s pretty much physically impossible for me to do it. i always feel guilty and tell God i’m sorry after I do.
i want to cry. i need to cry. it’s stupid but whatever.

Thanks for being a flippin’ pansy, _ _ _!
I hope you find the girl God has for you cause it’s probably not me.

Oh yea, I want to punch him in the face and then walk away and tell him he’s stupid for not realizing that I like him.

Waiting on the Lord

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 17:31:00 -0400

…TUESDAY…

Psalm 27:14—-“Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.”

Can be SUPER hard to do.

See, there’s this guy. ~~I think~~ I’m pretty sure I like him.
He loves Jesus, he definitely likes nature, he’s kind, smart, and willing to do new things even if he’s not good at them. swoon. sounds like a match made in Heaven to me!

Only problem is, it’s literally been a week since I first wondered about our interactions. I’m the gal and he’s the guy and this MUST be a Biblical relationship. He needs to make the first move and lead things. I will not allow my bold and outgoing personality to jump the gun.

So I’m waiting. And the countdown begins.

I’ve come to several conclusions about why he hasn’t said anything yet.
1) he’s not interested in being more than friends. :(
2) he’s completely clueless that I like him.
3) he’s waiting to hear from the Lord as well.
4) he realizes that courtship is a pretty big deal in the Kingdom and wants to get some things straight first.
5) he’s not interested. :(

Yea, it sucks, but I will wait. I don’t have a choice and I want to be in the Lord’s will. Lord knows I’ve messed up enough when it comes to this stuff! And it’s only been a week! Holy cow! I just pray the Lord tell me to either wait on this guy to make the first step towards me or drop the idea, heal and close my heart & move on. God hasn’t told me yes, and He hasn’t told me no, but I have a feeling he doesn’t feel the same way. :( It’d be nice to be pursued by a man who loves the Lord who I am also interested in. Sheesh! When will it be MY turn God??

Give me patience and not a heavy heart!!!

…SATURDAY… I found this while at church during the week of Pentecost.2 Peter 1:12-21...

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0400

…SATURDAY…

I found this while at church during the week of Pentecost.

2 Peter 1:12-21 says: So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. ¹³ I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, ¹⁴ because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. ¹⁵ And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

¹⁶ For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. ¹⁷ He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”^[a] ¹⁸ We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

¹⁹ We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. ²⁰ Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. ²¹ For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

Pentecost

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0400

I attended all services last week for Pentecost.
It felt amazing to go to church for 7 days straight! OH MY SOUL!!! I wish we did that ALL the time.

~~Sunday 6.5.11 (night)—~~
“Wait On The Lord”
John 16; Acts 1

be expectant and humble yourself to God in your waiting season
God will redeem those days, weeks, months, years before we were redirected

1 Kings 17
v.17-Ahab and his god Baal
v.28- Elijah and Ahab set up sacrifices of bulls on logs. they each had a chance to call out to their god. 450 prophets for Baal.
v.38-Elijah doused his sacrifice in water, called on Yaweh. He burned EVERYTHING!!

“once we stop trusting in the promises and character of the Lord, the enemy will win.”- Moerman

I believe God wrote this through me:
{lord tell me what to do
how to seek
how to wait
how to trust
in You

Lord show me how to move
how to be
how to feel
how to love
like You

God I give it all
and you take it
not mine but yours
whose glory carries on}

{submit your plans to God! His are so much better! let God’s will become your want}
songs: give me faith, to trust what you say. that you’re good and your love is great. i’m broken inside, i give you my life

~~Monday 6.6.11—~~
“and the people came to give thanks to the Lord, their God. His word gave LIFE!!!”
Ezekiel 37: take up your cross and give what’s in your heart to me
John 7: if anyone thirsts..
2 chron 1: trumpeteers praising the Lord
Psalm 63
Psalm 67
psalm 91
Exodus 16:20
1 sam 3
Psalm 139
Hebrews 1: His voice is like the roar of many waters
Phil 3:21-24
Romans 8

”..And the Lord spake through His daughter.”
drenched with the spirit
deaf to everything but you
break through. pour out. knock down
fountaining streams of voices, hand-crafted pews of wood all made to worship you.

”..And the daughter read her Father’s everlasting words of life.”
Isaiah 11: Jesse and the tree root. the lion and the lamb

”..And the people lifted their voices to their God!”
I may be weak, my God you’re strong in me.
my flesh may fail. my God you never will.
drawing of cross across the pit of sin

~~Tuesday 6.7.11—~~
”..And the Lord spake through his daughter.”
{the air is so THICK with YOU
Hell hath nothing on this Heavenly fire!
move spirit! have your way
Rife with laughter
jesus so sweetly embrace. dance}

”..And the people lifted their voices to their God!”
—it’s your beautiful redemption. your scandalous mercy.
—on the wings of worship we will rise
—here we are standing in your presence. shechinah glory come down
—you move. you speak. you breathe. and we want more
—in my frailty Lord you shine brighter still
—in perfect LOVE He casts out fear
—I receive your love for me because i’m worth every drop of your blood
—i am not afraid anymore. i wont run away anymore. i am not afriad anymore of holding onto you
there snothing i hold on to
—i will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

Acts 5:14-16—the holy spirit abides in us. He doesnt just come and leave
no one wants your sorrow. everyone wants your joy!

{how am I worthy to speak His name?!}

-i give him a gift wrapped in red and gold
he crushes it with his foot
-expel the junk from your bodies
pull it out through our stomachs
may we vomit the mess! compact and incinerate it.
-Explode and sew back together
-empty backpack. God’s got it. throw everything out.

~~Wed 6.8.11—~~
Lord let me feel what I felt Monday night
Psalm 139

“And he spake through his daughter”
{love in Christ. Brotherly Love. Arms interlocked. three. the trinity}

oh no you never let go. through the calm and through the storm. in every high and every low. Lord you never let go of me!

~~Thurs 6.9.11~~
..And His people lifted their voices to Him”
—we welcome you with praise. almighty God of love. be welcome in this place
—everlasting your light will shine when all else fades
—you restore wasted years. you make all things new
—we exalt the One most anointed son. raise dry bones in us. breathe new life in us. take my love, joy, hope make it new

“and he spake through his daughter.”
{fill hearts.
open ribs. pry apart
give new hearts
run through the fields
purple flowers we grasp
“rest in me,” You say.}

daniel 9
clean my closet. clear away the stuff, junk, mess, idols
“make us uncomfortable so that we may do your will”—david dalton
LAY IT DOWN!!!

~~Friday 6.10.11~~
John 17:3; John 21; john 10:27-42

what has God said about me?
Pentecost: waiting and letting the holy spirit enter me

”..and he spake through his daughter.”
{i hear your breath
i come for you
you wait by the running brook
where the moss kisses the rocks
you sweep me off my feet. carry me away
branded. captivated.desired}

{let us rise o mighty ones for the risen ONE! King
dizzy with the spirit, sleeping foot
fresh eyes seek birds in the trees}

“and the people lifted their voices.”
i thirst for living water. there is no other God above all gods cause you satisfy me, only you satisfy my soul. just you and you alone. jesus you’re the ONE. made a mark across my heart tht can never be remoed so i am holding on to you forever never letting go.
—-so good so so good to me
-love joy, peace and righteousness in the holy spirit
- put on the garment of prayer
-you hold me down, you chase me around hedge me in with your love

“even in my singleness I’ll be a part of a great love story.”

~~Sat 6.11.11~~
Grace.Patience.Love.Understanding
-break the chains
-people made with purpose! freedom from chains. break the chains!
“why spend your money on what does not satisfy?”

songs to HIM
-have your way oh God. your name be lifted higher.
-in your presence there is freedom. in your presence there is love. in your presence there is healing, there is guidance from above
-drink the living water
-love of God overflow, permeate oh my soul
-spirit come. open the floodgates.

”..and He spake through me..”
bathe.wash.open us
dirt runs off. idols fall and worship HIM! wounds close
love of mercy. is forever
mighty one who walks
hands raised
given to you
give us your spirit to go and
love unfiltered, unashamed for You

vision: all believers in the shape of the body of Christ. we pull ourselves in, link arm in arm, and shed outside identities other than the ones you have for us. words like ugly, unwanted, dirty, less than, mess up, outcast, disgusting, worthless, broken. as we drop those identities the world spews in our faces, lights inside us turn on and we shine and chase the darkness away. it runs away screeching in pain, cringing in fear.

Other
- they don’t know they NEED God and the don’t know God wants them
- use us to reach those who don’t have community and have never had family