I haven’t been on a date in over 4 years. I’ve never dated a guy a.k.a, I’ve never had a boyfriend. Yup. 23 going on 24 in 3 months and I’ve never had a boyfriend. So needless to say, I have no idea when a guy likes me if he doesn’t say anything. I shouldn’t have to guess though, right? He should let me know that he is interested. I’m analytical enough as it is and it takes a good amount of energy to NOT analyze every single “what-if” situation in my head.
Anyway, he did ask if he should come pick me up. I should have said yes so I could have redeemed myself on the way back. He opened the door for me, seemed interested in what I was saying, asked questions about sex trafficking (the calling the Lord has placed upon my heart) and he paid for me. Maybe he was just being courteous? I don’t know. I was excited and nervous as heck actually. I think maybe I came off a bit standoffish because I didn’t want to get excited over nothing if this is just hanging out, ya know? But then again, he DID initiate this outing. Why ask me out one on one if he weren’t curious about me, ya know? Maybe he finds me mysterious and hard to read and wants to get to know me better eventually. Hmmm. Fudge.
I’m usually great at making eye contact but it was hard to look at him because he’s so dang good-looking! Like, seriously. AND he also loves Jesus so that is the highest on my list of must-haves in a guy of course. It just makes things more difficult.
Did I come off too guarded? Did I smile enough? Did he think I was interested in what he was saying? Did I totally blow a chance with him? Was I too quiet? UGH!
Ok. See, this is Britani’s brain in analyzing mode and why I have to give EVERYTHING in my head to God. What I wouldn’t give to have him call or meet in person to clarify what that was and what is going through his mind.
Anyways, I did tell him that I had fun (despite what my body language may have been saying.) I said, “Next time we can go to the park and have a picnic and play frisbee because I’ve never played.” Crap. Overkill? :/ He smiled (I think) and said “You’ve never played frisbee?” Then when I got home I made sure to thank him again for breakfast, that I had a nice time and looked forward to the next time (via text).
Lord, if this is in Your will for there to be something between he and I, make it plain and clear. Give me peace and patience about whatever happens. I’m always a bit of a negative nancy when it comes to guys because I usually find that they are NEVER interested. Story of my life. There’s always someone thinner, blonder, taller, more attractive than I am… Great, here I go. There will be a post on that. I can feel the pity party coming on.